Uncanny

They say if you don't learn from history, you're bound to repeat it.  For some reason, it seems like I'm repeating my mom's adult history, with some slight differences.  Think about it...I have 3 children, the older two being two years and 24 days apart.  My two sisters were born two years and 27 days apart.  I came along when my sisters were 12 and 10...Brayden came when Lex and Joey were 10 and 8, respectively.  We both came into our long term relationship due to pregnancy; Mom when she was 20, I at 19.  Me and Mom both had somewhat assholes for men in our lives, who were nice to us after the relationship ended because they needed something (and we were suckers).  Both of us separated from said men early in the youngest child's life--my mom when I was 6, Brayden when he was 2.  Mom pretty much kept to herself, as do I now.  Both of us sent one of our children to live with another family member at one point.  The kicker?  I look almost identical to her.  No really, I've been told that on several occasions.

Of course, there are differences.  She was a closet lesbian for years--she came out after leaving my dad.  Ok, I can't think of any other differences.  Well, she didn't move 1,000 miles away from her hometown, either...then again, her girlfriend came to her, not the other way around.

Why am I thinking about this at such a late hour?  It's been bothering me.  If my life has been so similar to Mom's, what the hell is next?  That's what I'm afraid of.  If my life follows hers, I don't want to think about what's in my future--it's not pretty.  It's too coincidental as it is--I hope to God that it doesn't keep going in the same direction.  Funny thing is, my mom didn't really do anything to get the life she chose, nor did I.  But the similarities are just too much to be coincidental, or at least I think so.

til next time...

I'm happy...I think

I'm hoping the love of my life just falls into my lap, or more likely, that I fall into theirs.  The reason I bring this up is I'm single, have been that way for quite a while, and I'm not really up to the challenge of finding someone.  The subject came up yet again yesterday, while talking to a former (well, kind of) supervisor at work (I feel comfy having these conversations with superiors, or anyone, I guess...).  The questions or conversations that usually come up are:

"Are you married yet?  Why not?"
"How does a girl like you not have a guy in their life?"
"You need a penis." (I swear I'm not making this up.)

That's just recent topics of conversation, but most relationship talks end up similar to those.  It's pretty sad that as soon as it comes up, I have an awesome comeback/answer for it--right now, I'm focusing on work and the kids, so I don't have time for a relationship.  Or I bring up what I've been through with past bullshit; therefore I'm afraid to get into anything new.  More often than not, that usually shuts the critics up.  And then I move on.  At least I try to.

The thing is, I don't move on--although what I say is true.  Honestly, I have no time, no energy, and definitely no money to do anything at all, let alone do something for myself.  My life is literally work and children--I work for them--food mainly for them, car maintenance to get them around (and for work), etc.  My past relationships have taught me to be cautious about anyone and everyone--I have become very critical these days.  Another reason I was petrified about looking and/or starting something new was because I saw what Bum did to her father's marriage (pretty much turned them against each other), and I knew she'd do the same thing to me.  Luckily, she's out of the picture for the time being (living with her grandparents 1,000 miles away, but that's another story).

In a way, I don't feel like I'm ready to start with someone new.  I know it's been over 2 years since I tried, but I'm afraid to get burned again.  But there's that little part of me that hates being alone.  It's a small part, but every once in a while, it rears its ugly head.  Then I remind myself that I don't like complications, and that's exactly what a relationship would bring to me and the kids.  It's been pretty peaceful around here since Lex left in December, and I don't want to fuck that up.  Don't get me wrong--I have had offers.  One was pretty damn creepy (and I don't date co-workers), and the other is a good friend, as well as the rest of his family...don't want to lose that.

So confused and a little frustrated.  What to do?

til next time...

I swear sometimes I wish I was a mindreader.

Sometimes I wonder what goes on my daughter's mind.  It's more like 'WTF is/was she thinking'?  That usually happens when she does something stupid, which is almost daily.  For instance, the twit has (or I should say HAD) a phone, and there were certain people (read: troublemakers) who we prohibited her from talking to.  One was an ex-boyfriend, a few were middle school drama queens (she's in high school people...), and one was a drama queen mom/ex-friend of mine who still needed to grow up herself--she gave my 15-year-old daughter the tools to smoke.  That totally pissed me and her dad off, especially him, since he quit smoking.  So when she told her dad (whose plan her phone is/was on) that these people were harassing her, he went and paid for her number to be changed.  Do you believe that within TWO MINUTES, she gave those exact people her new number??  Needless to say, she no longer has her phone.  When we asked her why she did what she did, she had no answer.  We're left scratching our heads...ok, I'm done with my rant now.

til next time...

Much better...does anyone even read this anymore?

Now that I finally changed the header (after almost four effing years!!), I guess I can finally update my life. Not living in Pennsylvania anymore, obviously not working for Verizon anymore...oh yeah, a lot has changed.  Bum is old enough to drive, Dude is will be driving soon enough, and Cutie (formally known as Sir) is starting kindergarten this year.  Wow, it really has been a while.

Okay, for starters, I now live in Iowa...aka Boonieville, USA.  It's a long, complicated story as to how I got here, but I've honestly never been happier.  Another change is that I'm a overpaid government employee now, working for the USPS as a carrier.  I absolutely love my job, and the pay makes me love it more (hee hee hee).

The kids are doing awesome, although having two teenagers in the house isn't the greatest of scenarios.  At least it's not all the time--Dude lives with Dad most of the time (who only lives four miles down the road), while Bum stays with me.  Cutie bounces back and forth, and it's all good.

It's funny how one of the worst things that happened to me turned out to be one of the biggest (and best) life changes.  If you had told me ten years ago this is where I'd be, I would have pissed my pants laughing at you.  Never thought I'd ever go through this drastic of a change in scenery--from somewhat busy East Coast city life to small town Midwest country living.  But as they say, everything happens for a reason.

There's more to the story--there's always more.

til next time...

dammit.

Just realized I have to change the damn header. Stupid retirement. I'll change it...when I feel like tinkering with PSP...eventually. Still haven't mastered it...and probably never will.

til next time...=)

what a strange (and long) hiatus...

Um...the dog ate my blog. Yeah, that's it. That's why I haven't posted in so long. And I just got the last piece of the website out of...yeaaaah...right. Blame it on Facebook, MySpace, and Twitter. They've been taking up most of my time. Well, that and getting over being cheated on. And hell with fluorescent lighting. And retirement from said hell. And kids. And middle school. And the baby's PT and OT. And a severely sprained foot (not mine, but might as well have been...lol). And now the holidays. YAY. Anyhoo....

Not much going on around here, just getting ready for Christmas. Pretty much done shopping--just a few odds and ends left. It's a little easier now, since Bum doesn't believe anymore, and Brayden has no clue as to what the hell's going on. Dude is the oddball now...Santa still brings his presents...Bum has to pretend...or we'll take all her stuff back...lol. Joey's cousin will probably be staying with us during the holiday while she's on break from school. So that'll be fun--she was here for Turkey Day too.

Well, that's it for now...I'll probably get into detail soon...if anyone's still reading, that is.

til next time...=)

omg

Haven't been on in a while, but if you read my tweets (see sidebar) and/or looked at my cell phone pic blog, you're probably thinking WTF is going on with the baby? Let me start by saying he's okay now...but he wasn't about a week and a half ago.

It all started when he started throwing up--rocket puke--the one morning last week. I called his pediatrician, and his nurse told me he would call me back. I waited...and waited. I was thinking, okay--this is just from the antibiotic he's on for his ear infection. About an hour later, he started throwing up again, so I called the pediatrician back. The nurse tried to tell me (over the phone) that it probably was some stomach virus that was going around, and she'd have the doc call me back. As she's telling me this, Brayden was getting all pale and couldn't hold himself up. I hung up with her and thought, screw this--we're taking him to the ER. So we did, and they checked him out. By this time, his puke was brown...he hadn't eaten anything that color...and there was a little blood in his diaper...WTF? So they took him back and got him on IV fluids...they had to do the IV in his head, since he was so dehydrated. THEN finally his pediatrician calls me. Too late, I'm already at the hospital--thanks for the speedy call back. They admitted him, and kept overnight for observation, thinking it was either a stomach virus or rotavirus. Meanwhile, he's still puking and pooping blood.

The next day, the on-call pediatrician from the practice ordered an abdominal x-ray for Sir. Afterwards, the doc tells me he has a bowel obstruction, and that he has to be transferred to Janet Weis Children's Hospital in Danville (about 75 miles away). Actually flown there via LifeFlight--that's how serious it was. So I went home to get the kids out of school, drop them off at grandma's, and pick up Joey so we could go down there. When I got home, the phone rang--it was the pediatric surgeon...they were taking Sir into emergency surgery.

OMFG. INSERT WAVE OF PANIC HERE.

I'll finish this later...

til next time...=)