Tuesday, June 24, 2014


They say if you don't learn from history, you're bound to repeat it.  For some reason, it seems like I'm repeating my mom's adult history, with some slight differences.  Think about it...I have 3 children, the older two being two years and 24 days apart.  My two sisters were born two years and 27 days apart.  I came along when my sisters were 12 and 10...Brayden came when Lex and Joey were 10 and 8, respectively.  We both came into our long term relationship due to pregnancy; Mom when she was 20, I at 19.  Me and Mom both had somewhat assholes for men in our lives, who were nice to us after the relationship ended because they needed something (and we were suckers).  Both of us separated from said men early in the youngest child's life--my mom when I was 6, Brayden when he was 2.  Mom pretty much kept to herself, as do I now.  Both of us sent one of our children to live with another family member at one point.  The kicker?  I look almost identical to her.  No really, I've been told that on several occasions.

Of course, there are differences.  She was a closet lesbian for years--she came out after leaving my dad.  Ok, I can't think of any other differences.  Well, she didn't move 1,000 miles away from her hometown, either...then again, her girlfriend came to her, not the other way around.

Why am I thinking about this at such a late hour?  It's been bothering me.  If my life has been so similar to Mom's, what the hell is next?  That's what I'm afraid of.  If my life follows hers, I don't want to think about what's in my future--it's not pretty.  It's too coincidental as it is--I hope to God that it doesn't keep going in the same direction.  Funny thing is, my mom didn't really do anything to get the life she chose, nor did I.  But the similarities are just too much to be coincidental, or at least I think so.

til next time...

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